As I mentioned in the first installment, these are in no particular order. Some of these are hings I have learned about myself and some are kernels of wisdom that I wish to share.
I have learned that I am selfish and self centred. Oft times, to the extreme. Okay, not in the extreme any longer. There was a time, however when I felt the universe revolved around me, waited with anticipation on what I had to say and once said, took it as gospel. Why wouldn’t it. I was, after all, me. I wanted what I wanted and other people that had the misfortune to get in my way were cajoled, pushed or forced to acquiesce to my demands. Never once did I think that my demands were unreasonable. It was, after, me. The very fact that it was me should be enough for you to understand.
Ruined friendships, marriages, families….
Excuse me a moment, I’m getting a text.
My lovely muse says it would have been nice to have someone with her while she shopped.
I told her the topic of the blog I am writing.
She, gets me. I’m blessed.
Where was I? Oh right, all the ruined things. Sure, my selfishness ruined many things. Me…me me me…meeeeee. I wanted more of everything. My motto during those years was; Looks like more, feels like more, tastes like more and sounds like more. More!
What happened you ask? I have to say a profound spiritual experience. I found god. Egads man. Not THAT God. I found a power greater than myself. There is a God, and I’m not it. As I was saying, not THAT god. My God is mine and mine alone. I don’t push it on people and I’m still just selfish enough that I don’t want to share my god either. Get your own, there are plenty around.
Suffice it to say that I ‘m still selfish enough that I won’t be running around bombing shit in the name of my thus far nebular, undefinable God. Plus, I’m allergic to pain and dying and shit like that.
I’m still selfish but I am striving for humility. A work in progress, you might say.