I have a migraine. I hate migraines. Had them since I was 11 or 12. I remember a football game as a young, short kid that was always bullied, not only by kids but by the drunken step father, I was playing in what must have been a blow out for one side or the other because I would never have been allowed into an important or close game. I was always too short, not big enough, not good enough. I remember this game because I had a very bad headache and the pain was so terrible I was almost crying. I tried very hard not to show that pain but it was too obvious. The rest of the team pounced on that like a shark on chum. I was the wimp, weirdo, weakling. Kids are ruthless. The pack or tribe mentality is strong in the young folk. Needless to say I had some self esteem issues that carried on into my adult years. Had being the operative word. Now I am just an arrogant old hippy that doesn’t really care about the critics, the voices are silenced and I am happy with myself. I do, however, feel. I am sensitive to those comments that may hurt. Not for long but it sure brings back some shit. I was, the other day doing some photos of the sales staff for their Christmas card when one of the sales reps piped up with, “You’re not a very good photographer, aren’t you supposed to do this or that to make us laugh.” It stung, I bit my tongue and didn’t come back with a sharp retort mostly because I couldn’t remember her name. How’s that for the importance I place on my relationship with that person? If I couldn’t remember your name after 8 years here, I certainly won’t be hurt by your careless comments. It reminds me how powerful words can be.
Although my migraine makes me feel like I can’t be held accountable for my response to your stupidity (later in the day), I need to be. That’s why I had to go and make the amends with a different co-worker. Words are powerful. Whether or not I mean to use them in a way to cause harm. I generally go by the mantra; I am only responsible for what I say, not how people take it. I do, however need to be a little sensitive. As painful as that can be.
Here is the latest images in response to the latest Photo of the week challenge – Green